I am unhappy.
Weird, right? Today is the first day among many where I have been discontented. I can feel this seed in my heart that I haven’t felt in a long time. It is something called desperation; a feeling of being trapped. In every breath, every movement there is an ache to run. My eyes flicker around the room in a ceaseless circle, looking for a way to escape.
I see the world with the hues of grey I remember.
I know why I feel caged. But it is something I cannot run from. For practical reasons, for a dwindling motivation to follow a dream that seems so out of reach. I feel so tired. I am wearing down. It is my own fault, my own doing. I am the one holding the plastic bag over my head. I am suffocating in my own stupidity and lack of the ability to open my mouth and say “No. Stop. I am not okay with this.”
But I can’t.
Am I making sense?
Probably not.
It is a work in progress. Things will get better. I have faith in that. I just have to wait out the storm.
~C
