Recently I have been dreaming dreams of my potential, and what God has in store for me in my future. Its unsure to me; which feels as though my body has been ingested and spat out – a half digested, unrecognizable mound of matter. I dislike the unknown, as I dislike the quickly changing weather. I now feel as though I must walk through life blindly, with arms flailing frantically in front of me.
Life doesn't make much sense recently.
The perspiration on the glass
leaves solitary trails.
My eyes will chase each to the last,
while biting nervous nails.
Into confusion I am hurled,
wind sings a lonesome hymn.
I'm drowning in this frozen world,
I don't know how to swim.
Time is small and fits in my palm,
all tin gears and lost rod.
It ticks inside me like a bomb,
the end an act of God.
At times the past comes back for me,
I try to fight alone,
Instead I give it bitter tea,
and ask it in my home.
~C
I will present you
ReplyDeleteparts
of
my
self
slowly
if you are patient and tender.
I will open drawers
that mostly stay closed
and bring out places and people and things
sounds and smells,
loves and frustrations,
hopes and sadnesses,
bits and pieces of three decades of life
that have been grabbed off
in chunks
and found lying in my hands.
they have eaten
their way into my memory,
carved their way into
my heart.
altogether
– you or i will never see them –
they are me.
if you regard them lightly,
deny that they are important
or worse, judge them
i will quietly, slowly,
begin to wrap them up,
in small pieces of velvet,
like worn silver and gold jewelry,
tuck them away
in a small wooden chest of drawers
and close.