I am leaving, I am leaving but the fighter still remains

For the first time in ages, I feel alive. I feel as though I have only just woken from a dream.

Everything I do, I do on autopilot. I wake up, I brush my teeth, I go about my everyday activities, and go to bed. I realize that I live to see the end of everyday; not to see what the day may have in store for me.

This is not living.

This is existing.

I have been given another chance; another chance to be re-born. My eyes are open, but for the first time in a long time, I can see.

I can see that my past is a disaster. If I look back at every day individually, I see nothing; for there are no individual days. There are weeks, there are months, there are even years all compressed together with a memory here and there. I look at my existence now, and wonder how I got here.

But now I see.

I am here -- not because of the big choices -- because of the small choices I've made. The ones you are not bothered to think about. Like the one day you decide to skip a class because you are too exhausted from staying up the night before watching that new movie. Or a single lie that you got away with, that started a frenzy of them.

Small things. Insignificant things. Things that are so ultimately unimportant, it leaves me shocked as to how it could have impacted my life in such a way.

I am changing.

Now that I have been given a second chance at sight, I will not give it up so easily.

I will make everything right again. I will turn my life around. I will become the woman I need to become; I am like a prisoner in my own mind, but I refuse to say silent any longer. No one can tie me to the ground, preventing me from flight. I will wash my slate clean, and rid myself of all of this baddness.

I am freeing myself from these chains that I personally welded together.

I will pack a bag, and hop onto the first train and see where it takes me. I will tell you how it goes.

I am breaking free.

Starting

now.

~C